10/2/2010 / 1:46AM / F.I.R - 需要你的爱
Yay...?
So I placed 3rd out of 5 (or 6, I forget) couples for my first ever attempt at a dance competition. Well, it was a small, closed competition, only open to people from my class. I suppose I should be rather happy considering it was some result, and considering how little practice actually went into it, but I still can't keep thinking that I could have done better, especially because I knew I made a major error near the end.

Ah well.

- J, My Way 

 
7/2/2010 / 11:14PM / 动力火车 - 除了爱你还能爱谁
More internal conflict
As I posted on Facebook, it's time to let everything go.

But how I can do that, when some of my actions have ramifications that affect outside of myself?

I think, I used to be like that. Then I got too caught up in this world...the rat race, so to speak. I know Robert Kiyosaki uses "the rat race" to mean something different, but it's the same concept.

Don't know if I'll ever find peace of mind.

- J, My Way 

 
7/2/2010 / 1:35AM / No Song Playing
Pointless
Life is (still) fucking pointless.

And extremely tiring.

- J, My Way 

 
2/2/2010 / 1:25AM / No Song Playing
More Champions of Kamigawa
Who the hell confirms a meeting at 10am...at 1am in the morning?

The hell have I gotten myself into.

Looks like I am not getting enough sleep again.

-J, My Way 

 
2/2/2010 / 11:44PM / F.I.R. - 需要你的爱
Iron Man and Wolverine go to White Castle
Well actually, we went to White Castle twice.

Today wasn't really exciting. In fact, it was quieter than ever, so we just hang around and played cards with Mind's Desire and Brain Freeze. Brain Freeze was sick and left early, so we played 3-handed Daidee.

Someone from the Brain Freeze fan club showed up, but alas Brain Freeze had already left. Razorfin Hunter and Ink-Eyes tried to be sneaky and did their usual assaulting, but a fan club member is thusly called for a reason...he's a fan. No pretenders to his throne, clearly.

The funniest part of the day was when some generic asked Iron Man, "Is that for me?" because Iron Man showed up with something to pass to Mind's Desire.

"NO." - Iron Man

Clearly it wasn't, but one wonders why someone would ask such a question with such an obvious answer anway.

In Iron Man's words...

"Some people like to buy 4D" - Iron Man

I guess, the chance is still there huh. Well, it was probably meant as a joke, but I found it pretty funny anyway.

So anyway, since the last entry we'd phased out a lot of random names and replaced them all with Magic card names, each fitted to their...abilities.

Without further ado, I present the roll call:

Vampiric Tutor, Brainstorm, Ponder, Lure (previously ZGM), Mind's Desire (previously JJ), Brain Freeze, Morphling (previously The Favourite), Ink-Eyes (perviously Six Eyes), Razorfin Hunter (previously Tattoo Gang member) and The Bartender.

There's a few other generic miscellanous ones, and Morphling is still unconfirmed, but I'll leave it as Morphling for now.

Oh, and ONE WITH NOTHING (previously ZGS), which abbreviates into OWN.

To be used thusly:

"At the last trip to White Castle, Wolverine got OWN-ed."

Yeah.

Last Friday was the more eventful White Castle trip, I suppose. For starters, we had the company of The Mighty Thor himself and Baldur the Brave. That made for a much merrier band of Avengers (and Asgardians, not to be confused with ASS-GUARDIANS).

I was supposed to fetch Iron Man from the airport, so I was chilling along (read: sleeping) East Coast in my trusty Harley-Davidson...

...wait, what Harley-Davidson, u may ask?

Well, Wolverine's only seen with a Harley-Davidson. Besides, chilling along in my Nissan Sunny doesn't really have the same kick to it.

So anyway, after a brief nap I head to the airport along East Coast Road, in the direction where the airport should be...

...and I realize that the road keeps going on and on...

...and has no exit onto the ECP in the direction that I want...

...and eventually the last exit out leads me in the direction headed back towards town.

Just great. I go all the way back to Bedok, claw a few baddies in the face, make an illegal U-turn, kill Sabretooth and head back to the airport. All in a day's work.

I drive like a man possessed because I'm starving and I need Maggi Thai.

We hit White Castle, plonk our butts down at the Avengers' Table and order Maggi Thai.

At this point Thor was supposed to have arrived, but he was late and he had no form of communication since Mjolnir was out of battery. I call Baldur, who's currently engaged in some matters on Asgard. He says that Thor left awhile ago, and he should be with us shortly.

The food arrives. Nom nom nom.

Thor arrives and orders some food.

The lineup at White Castle is rather good, with Vampiric Tutor, Brainstorm and Mind's Desire present, among the tier one cards. And various others, which always makes for good fun. More importantly, One With Nothing wasn't around to do anything OWNing.

Apparently Ink-Eyes, Razorfin Hunter and some random goon took MC halfway and left, not that we were really concerned.

Unfortunately, Lure was not around. Again. Sigh.

I realize that I forgot to take the cards out of my Harley, and go fetch it from the SECRET COMPARTMENT. Have to keep such things a secret u know, people might steal them.

We flip cards, drink, flip cards, drink, flip cards, drink...

...some of us flip cards more than drink, some of us drink more than flip cards.

Mind's Desire joins in.

Vampiric Tutor fetches some peanuts, and Wolverine is very pleased.

I quickly run out of peanuts, but Vampiric Tutor is nowhere to be found. Clearly, I can't afford the 2 life to pay, so I decide to take a trip to the counter.

I see Ponder, but...(some Magic lingo here)

When your opponent casts Duress, Ponder isn't going to save u.

So at the counter, Ponder sees me, I point to my empty bowl of nuts, but she's in the middle of dealing out cards to other folks, clearly under Duress.

When your opponent casts Duress, what can save u?

Here comes Brainstorm to the rescue, and Wolverine is very pleased. Brainstorm is also in all ways better than Ponder, which increases the pleasing factor.

Somewhere in all this Baldur arrives.

We flip more cards, Thor shows the world why he is also known as the Tiangmaster, but today Wolverine also hits the post a lot in Up Down.

We later move on to more intellectual card games, like Bridge, which is quite a step up from our usual Daidee or random generic drinking games.

Thor and Baldur have to leave to continue their Godly duties elsewhere, leaving Iron Man and Wolverine to hang around. No more intellectual games, sigh.

Somewhere in all this the peanuts run out again. Continuing my string of amazing luck, someone is casting Duress and Ponder is once again stuck, unable to help. But like a staple always does, Brainstorm comes to the rescue.

Time just passes, I'm not sure anything really exciting happens, but closing time rolls around. Since the Avengers are such cool dudes, we get to sit around, play cards and sing along to the music.

Some other folks in the castle were pestering Brainstorm to go somewhere with them, possibly from a pseudo-promise extract via unsavory means. Wolverine becomes partner-in-crime for a pretend-drunk Brainstorm, but they were really persistent, the goons.

I considered that it was time for Wolverine to do some real Avenging, but Iron Man, ever the cool head of the Avengers, advised that it was not the wise thing to do. Discretion eventually precedes valour, and Wolverine doesn't need to test the extent of his healing factor.

Brainstorm manages to extricate herself eventually, possibly with some aid from Vampiric Tutor.

We considered going for Karaoke, but Iron Man wanted to reach home by 4am, and it was already past 2am, and Wolverine didn't feel nearly awesome enough to take on both Vampiric Tutor and Brain Freeze by himself.

So Vampiric Tutor and Brainstorm go one way, Iron Man and Wolverine go the other.

End of story. No, I'm not kidding.

- J, My Way 

 
31/1/2010 / 10:44PM / Monica Narenjo - Oyeme
Exhausted
I haven't slept nearly enough for a week or two in a row, and by rights I should be sleeping now, except that my stomach is not very happy with me now. Poor digestion for the lose.

I'm starting to see with a bit of clarity now. Except that I still don't like the result.

I'm going to sleep. Need to refuel my energy.

- J, My Way 

 
31/1/2010 / 6:11AM / Monica Narenjo - Oyeme
Oh well, 'twas not meant to be
I actually wrote a rather long entry yesterday about various things, including the crazy amount of things I am doing per week, to not getting enough sleep, to sinking further and further into debt, to Iron Man and Wolverine going to White Castle...etc etc.

And of course Blogger has to die, and it doesn't autosave my entry, leaving me with...

...nothing.

My trips to CGH are rather fruitless at times because I don't see the doctor when my mood is at its worst, like now.

I just blew $24 on 2 more drafts, but of course with no prior preparation I clearly didn't do very well. Since WoW TCG died I thought I might actually get back into Magic fairly seriously, and I wanted to use this as a gauge of sorts.

And it just tells me that I should probably not do it.

I couldn't make myself want to win any time today.

I hoped to win, but I didn't want to win. There's a difference. It's like I hope to win the lottery, but I don't want to enough, for if I died I could just buy enough number permutations.

I'm at the point in my life where I'm just coasting along hoping that things will fall into place. I've got no control, no direction, no nuts.

And if there's anything I learnt from the first 16-18 years of my life...if all I have left is hope, it's never enough.

I can't raise my game anymore. Not just in gaming, but in every single thing that I do.

I used to be good at many things, and perhaps excellent at some.

Now I am average at many things at best, and perhaps slightly better at some.

I just played Rumba music on my computer and I tried to dance to it but I couldn't. Somehow I couldn't imagine all the steps, nor the movements, I couldn't count basic 1-2-3-4 time to the music, I couldn't do anything right.

Nothing is going right.

I'm starting the next month with over $300 in deficit and I don't know how I am going to get myself out of this.

Actually, I have a couple of last resorts, it involves selling whatever left of Magic cards I own, such as Dual Lands, but I was hoping I wouldn't have to crack that barrier yet, because it represents my last stand.

Clearly, my life is reaching a crumbling point where nothing is holding fast anymore.

I also did a more psycho-analysis of myself, and basically my conclusion was that I had distinct, seperate personalities, or selves. I'm not sure if they were latent in myself, whether circumstance created them or whether I crafted them myselves to fit into various situations, but it's leading me to become extremely conflicted a lot of the time.

It's usually only when I take conscious thought of it then do I realize it, other times I just go with the flow and...things happen.

I'm losing control of everything again. I just can't fight this all-consuming nihilism. In fact, I decided to Wikipedia it on a whim in an attempt to understand more, and this is what I read until.

This is exactly why Nietzsche states that nihilism as "absolute valuelessness" or "nothing has meaning" is dangerous, or even "the danger of dangers": it is through valuation that people survive and endure the danger, pain and hardships they face in life. The complete destruction of all meaning and all values would be tantamount to suicide or mass-murder.

I don't really understand a large part of the philosophy, but I decided not to read anymore anyway in case I read more things which would disturb me even further.

The only thing that is holding me together is the current persona I generally use when interacting with people. I say "generally" because the people who are now reading this (and perhaps a few more), know that I'm not always the free-and-easy guy that I usually am in the day time.

None of the pills are helping. I don't think anything short of a lobotomy is going to save me. Maybe Chi is right in that sense, regarding the lobotomy.

I actually had a list of things that I wanted to blog about in the near future before Blogger exploded...let's see if I can make it to keep my mind off things.

1. Iron Man and Wolverine go to White Castle (again)
2. My split personality analysis
3. The various things I did

I dunno, I'll figure something out, or something.

I'm actually starting to think that I may not be able to graduate. The previous place I figured I might do my internship had a change of plans, and I really can't be arsed to look for a random company.

This is not working.

I need to quit school before I drag anyone down with me. Or something.

I dunno. Dear god, if there is even a god, just erase me from existence already or something. I can't do this anymore. nAnyadsf

- J, My Way 

 
24/1/2010 / 3:57AM / 张学友 - 但愿人长久
Iron Man and Wolverine go to White Castle
This struck me sometime between yesterday and today, and I thought it might be quite hilarious to actually try and make an entry regarding Iron Man and Wolverine go to White Castle.

I don't think anyone would understand half of it other than Iron Man and myself, and maybe Thor, but I haven't decided if I want to actually provide a background or descriptions of sorts or just leave it as it is.

So anyway.

Yesterday Iron Man and Wolverine went to White Castle again, after many delayed flights on Iron Man's part. Thor doesn't appear this time, although I'm not sure whether it's because I forgot to ask him, haha.

So it turns out that not many of the First Team were playing, especially the all-new ZGM (Zhong Guo Mei). On the bright side, the rarely seen The Favourite (haven't decided on a name yet) and JJ (also haven't decided on a name yet) are there. Not be confused with the BZGM (Bad Zhong Guo Mei), or maybe even ZGS (Zhong Guo Soh). Even more unfortunately for our heroic protagonists, someone had booked the whole rear are of White Castle, including the all-important Avengers' Table, for a birthday party.

Damn the bastards.

So Iron Man and Wolverine are relegated to the bar counter, bah.

We go buy fish bee hoon for dinner, Iron Man goes get his SIM card while I go back to the counter to wait.

10 minutes later, Iron Man is nowhere to be found and I'm getting impatient so I head out for a Macau Pork Bun (big hint here, boys and girls). It's awesome for $3, it's like a little bit of heaven that fell down and turned into two slices of bread, pork, cheese and mayonnaise. Unfortunately, after wolfing (hur hur Wolverine wolves) down my pork bun Iron Man is still nowhere to be found.

Alas. So I hang around and chill even more, as best as a currently non-paying customer can chill.

The most common question I get asked is, "Where's Iron Man?"

I grunt monosyllabic, non-committal replies like only Wolverine can. I consider cracking and starting on myself, but somehow I felt that wouldn't be appropriate. I while my time away watching TV.

Eventually Iron Man returns and we get to work on the fish bee hoon. It's delicious.

I make a comment to Iron Man that I would definitely classify The Favourite and Brainstorm into the same group.

Somewhere in the middle of my fish bee hoon, I score a kill without even intending to. I mean, I was just sitting there minding my own business enjoying my bee hoon when someone decides that it's high time to get attacked by a not-very-rabid Wolverine.

"Good job, Wolverine." - Iron Man

To my horror, I realize it is the ZGS. Not exactly an encounter in White Castle I would have liked to have, but I guess it is the most eventful happening thus far. Iron Man and JJ have much laughs at my expense.

The brief skirmish involved my hair band, it looking nice, and a question regarding where I bought it from, and how much it costs.

If u're curious the answer is Plaza Singapura Basement 1, $2.95. Or something like that.

So anyway eventually a larger table clears out and our heroic protagonists shift everything over. At least now we have a table to play cards with, as only heroic Avengers can.

The party behind starts, the booze starts flowing and factions are formed to utilize all that booze. Six Eyes and her Tattoo Gang are in full assault, much to the displeasure of others. The end result is a member of the Tattoo Gang getting more or less completely smashed, but that's not really important, since neither Avenger is particularly a fan of the Tattoo Gang.

The turning point of the day definitely has to be when The Favourite and Ponder (sorry Iron Man, I errata-ed "ghetto white-bordered Brainstorm" into Ponder) decide that playing cards with THE MIGHTY AVENGERS might be a fun thing to do. On and off just about everyone who wasn't in full assault of the party goers has passed through our temporary Avengers table, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. That includes The Favourite, Ponder, Yan Su Ji (salt and something chicken), JJ and various others. I swear, even the BZGM (or ZGS) was considering something sneaky, but Iron Man's Proton Cannon obviously had other ideas. Even the Bartender paid us a visit, but if only to take a clean cup from our, and another time to change the music destroying our eardrums. In fact, Tattoo Girl briefly took refuge at our not-so-humble abode, although it was mostly to recupterate from getting smashed. I can't say it really helped.

Let's see...my poor grasp of technology, and poor tools, has let me produce a poor quality picture at best...



It's kinda hard to make out but I assure u there were at least TEN seperate cups.

As I remarked later on...

"This is clearly the most happening table around here." - Wolverine

From a cup:person ratio, we were at an amazing 5:1, compared to the big party tables that were average 2-3:1 at best. The phony pretenders have nothing on THE MIGHTY AVENGERS.

It wasn't halfway through our White Castling that I realized that I didn't actually have any peanuts to start with, and at that point I clearly felt the missing presence of Vampiric Tutor, since Vampiric Tutor is like a combo with peanuts. Not only did I not have peanuts, I didn't get a auto-refill when the supply was getting low, but instead I had to go bug for more. At least Ponder did what Ponder was supposed to do, nothing special, just get u to the stuff u wanted.

So, the day was good because:
- We were clearing the most happening table
- The Favourite showed up
- We bummed around and...bummed around even more.
- We had loads of fun
- Nobody got hurt

The day could have been better if:
- More of the First Team were playing
- Less of the substitute bench appeared (and voluntarily got attacked, especially)
- I had more peanuts
- We got the usual Avengers table, instead of the eardrum bursting one
- The deck was packing Brainstorm instead of Ponder

But all in all, it was good.

Hohoho.

- J, My Way 

 
21/1/2010 / 2:25AM / F.I.R. - 需要你的爱
Random supper
So the theme tonight for the SISS Investiture (don't ask me why I was there) was school uniforms, and somewhere along Geylang a few "students" ended up eating supper.

Strange sight, I imagine.

I realized that I don't really add many new names into my entries anymore, like in this one.

Maybe it's because the names would be meaningless to anyone except myself.

It used to be that I wrote for myself, and perhaps I still do.

Maybe I've realized the danger of naming people on the net.

But also, just maybe, I've walled out everyone who doesn't know about this diary.

- J, My Way